It's been a heck of a long time since I wrote here, and I promised an entry called "the Revisited" so...here ya go. :)
The Revisited refers to the fact of my rejoining a gym earlier this year. It was mostly to manage my stress, and basically feel good about myself. I never let go of the idea of writing about this one time in the gym, I was running on a treadmill (think hamster!), completely zoned into my music, and that's when I thought that in that very moment...
I am free.
I am complete.
I feel alive.
Why did I have this sensation of completeness? I felt as if a rush of hot oil was burning through my veins as the song's bassline seemed to become louder. What made me feel this happiness? Where did this feeling come from? I realized I had three golden possesions with me.
That's when I picked up my towel, gently swiping the sweat of my face, and as I put the towel down I thought...this towel gives me comfort and protection...security!.
Yes! Of course! Security!
I was secure.
I felt secure.
I thought, if I sweat a lot, it's no problem, I have a towel, I've got "back up." And thus, I felt good.
Security = towel.
I proceded to pick up my water in order to have a sip and feel like I could keep running with ease, and that's when I realized that my water was my strength that kept me going.
I need something to make me stronger, to motivate me, to trick me into thinking I can go anywhere, and for however far I want to. And what was that? My water!
Strength = water.
I had security and strength. What else could I want?
Just when I thought I had unlocked the uber secret recipe for my total happiness, there was a song change in my mp3 player that made me get chills down my spine (yeah...the song was THAT good).
With that song I felt like I could fly and not fall, I could jump around and never trip, I could dance and not be mocked, I could run and never stop! This music, these noises that for some reason seemed to be harmonized into a beautiful and empowering tool, a tool that sent me soaring, had for some reason put a huge goofy smile on my face.
I felt free.
Freedom! That was the last part of my recipe.
Is this all humans need to feel happy in life? I know it is for me.
Security. I get this from my family, my friends, my boyfriend. No matter what happens, I know they'll be there for me, and they let me know that if I fall, they'll be there to pick me up.
Strength. I get this from my surroundings. Like the water, I used what I can, and what is around me to get me going. This could also be my past, my present and what I want for my future.
Freedom. I get this from my mind. I am capable of limiting myself as long as I am stubborn to think only of my weaknesses and to not let myself dream. I must think openly to feel free, to feel as if I were inside a song that makes me fly and never fall.
That sensation of butterflies eating my stomach's insides, and playing with the leftovers has always been with me, every year, before the first day of school. I don't know if it's excitement or just plain nerves haha! I feel like the 5th grader dying of nervousness for her first day of Junior High. I still remember what I was wearing that day! xD (dark blue shirt, purple shorts, hair in a pony tail)
School...thou thief of sleep! The reason my eyes burn! The reason my diet becomes of coffee and junk! I do your work to the music of funk!
Oh! Thou bitchy invention... Your nights - prolonged! Your mornings - weakening! Your books - enlightening! and your chalkboard's material - tantalizing!
And I just wrote a ridiculous thing to the concept of school! Ridiculous? Yes, yes I am. Indeed I am. For sure I am.
I'm making my schedule for this semester (which starts in less than 48 hours) and well, I think I'm rather excited! The classes I want to take really seem to tickle me and that, I hope, is my motivation! I really see the finish line closer for me, so that's even more motivation. I just can't let anything take my eyes off of my goal. I just can't.
I'll try to keep up sometimes with this thing and talk about school, and maybe other drama that revolves around school ("omg i printed something and it's not in color...aaaaaah!").
I must stay focused...I tend to distract myself very easily...and usually with personal problems. That's never good stuff...EVER.
So I'm going to try to do the best I can, and try to excell in everything like I love doing. I absolutely love the feeling of being amazing in a class! It sounds nerdy, but it's one of those things that makes me automatically happy and elevates my self confidence enormously.
That sounded really nerdy. But it's the truth!
I'm getting kind of tired now...and I'm feeling kind of 'blah' because I didn't go the gym...AGAIN! :(
That brings me to my next entry...which I will write later. ;)
2) the school semester creeping up again (the Old), and
3) going back to the gym (the Revisited)
I'd like to say a lot about both, so I may dedicate one blog to each topic. Mmm...well, I'll just go ahead and write and see where this goes, eh?
So, this past Friday I went on a one-night camping trip that my boyfriend was invited to on behalf of the Instituto Mexicano de la Juventud (IMJUVE) or, the Mexican Institute of Youth. It was my first time camping EVER, and I mean, it's ridiculous because I'm from a beautiful state (Tennessee, U.S.A.) for camping! I must admit, I thought that maybe I wouldn't like it. But I LOVED IT! It was nice being around nature again, see some fireflies (and catch them), look at mountains in awe, and of course, be in company of my boyfriend, Silverio. We also went with a friend of Silverio's and he tagged along a friend of his. The four of us had a pretty good time. When we got there we had to wait to get settled, chatted a bit with the other people invited there to give a clinic and even played a little frisbee. I was part of my boyfriend's clinic: Observation through telescopes. He's a huge astronomy buff (no, seriously, he knows A TON), and little by little I'm getting into it. He explains adorably and I enjoy it because I know he enjoys it, and I think it's important and fun to have some kind of hobby to share together. Besides, astronomy implies lying out at night to look at stars...can it get any more romantic?
I enjoy the little I know of Astronomy! And it was exciting to finally look up and see the little constelations I know and piece together some of the stuff Silverio had talked to me about, and listen to Silverio talk to the kids there about it. He really inspires people (including me), and for some time I was just looking at him, perhaps not paying much attention because I was dazed by his voice, his knowledge, and the way he spoke: so fluidly and so passionately. I'm a lucky girl to have him.
During our clinic and a bit before, Silverio taught me how to manage a telescope, put it together, look for stars...the basics. The moon looked absolutely stunning! It made me think how lucky I am to have grown up in a small town quiet enough to calm down once in a while and look up and actually see stars and not always street lights and hear police sirens. I love the city, but nothing compares to utter quietness and a nice night sky. Along with learning about telescopes, and learning a bit more about the love of my life's passion, I was organizing kids to go to our clinic (it was really dark and they couldn't see the path that lead down to our station). It was fun because I would just run up to people and in an excited voice say "Hey! Wanna see some stars? Come down to the Observation! " The usual response was "Ooooooh where?? We couldn't find it!" So it was good to know I was helping kids get some stars.
Also, before it got dark, Silverio and I walked around the camp (on a bike route), and later up a hill along with some of the teens at the camp. It was a really good workout, too, haha. It felt really nice sharing all of that with my boyfriend because, well, he's someone very special. We even got to share "Stayin' Alive" out in the open! (DJ of the camp party only played that request of ours).
Anyway, we were up until about 2 or 3 a.m. observing and attending teens excited to see stars and the moon, and we were dead tired. I mean...really...really tired. We had taken a nap earlier, but it's energizing effect was dissipating so you can imagine we were basically falling asleep while standing out in the cold. We finally got to sleeping, and woke up around 9 a.m. but we were still really tired haha.
Around 10 a.m., with luggage packed with blankets, breakfast food, some good memories, a stubborn night before to appreciate the stars, we left with smiles and a new experience for me. All I can say is that I hope to go camping again soon, and hopefully, by this time next year, I'll be more educated in Astronomy and helping out my boyfriend more.
That's all for now on my camping experience. It may not seem as much, and my story may seem a little messy, but I can proudly say I've had an AMAZING summer vacation.